[Bo snorts a laugh at the blunt reply. She misses her guns too but she just found that funny. She then goes quiet for a moment and speaks in a sober tone.]
What happened after everything on Gideon’s ship?
Riz said you told him the Jedi said you had to leave Grogu with him and that you couldn’t see him again. That’s not what I remember.
The Jedi took him, and we all left Gideon's ship and went our separate ways. Then I ended up with some extra beskar, and asked the Armourer to make a chainmail shirt for Grogu. He's too little for full armour, but he could wear a shirt.
[Mando's voice rises in frustration.]
He needs protection! And the Jedi weren't going to do it! They'd say getting hurt was a learning experience or something!
[Evil space sorcerers! Mando takes a breath to get himself under control.]
I brought him the shirt to the planet they were on. Ahsoka Tahno met me there, and told me that seeing him would just make things harder on Grogu. I left the shirt, for her to give to him, and then I went back to Tattooine. I'm meeting Boba Fett there to help with some problems he's having.
[A sigh and Bo-Katan goes quiet for a moment. Knowing she needed to choose her words carefully. She understands where he's coming from. She had been able to tell back then how difficult it had been for him to give up Grogu. But he apparently wasn't able to let go. She also saw the other side of it. While Bo-Katan wouldn't claim to fully understand Jedi, she certainly knew them better than he did.
As she speaks again, her tone is gentle.]
He was with a Jedi, Din. A Jedi who saved our lives. If it wasn't for him, neither of us would be here and Grogu would be with Gideon. You really think he couldn't protect him?
I wasn't worried about him getting hurt physically.
[Sorry, he should have clarified this better.]
I know Skywalker saved us. I know he's a powerful Jedi. But he was treating Grogu like a student, and a student only. He didn't treat him like...
[like a son]
... like a foundling. He was teaching him the way, but not The Way.
I don't know enough about Jedi to know if their way works for some people. But the Jedi fell, and the Mandalorians didn't, and I think part of that is because Mandalorians know we're stronger together.
[This was not how she thought this conversation was going to go. What Din said was simply baffling to her. Though it wasn't until the last part that Bo-Katan felt her hackles rise.]
You have no idea what you're talking about.
[Her tone suddenly turning tense. Harsh. Borderline emotional.]
We did fall. Over and over and over again. For decades I've watched our people fight and kill each other. It's because we weren't together that we were weak. Why the Empire wiped us out, just as they did the Jedi. We're not any better or stronger than they are.
I'm not any better.
And you and your covert were not there when we needed you most. When our people were dying.
So if you really think that you or any of us are superior to them, then you're a fool.
[It takes a few moments before Mando answers. He clearly struck a nerve here! When he does speak up, his voice is calm and measured.]
Would you have had me at the Siege, Bo-Katan? A foundling who had barely taken the Creed, with a secondhand helmet and armour scraped together from scraps, with the thinnest possible layer of beskar?
If not then, would you have had me at the Fall? I had better armour then, and a ship that could have gotten a dozen Mandalorians off the planet, and the flying skills to get between the Empire's blockade. Would you have had me flying that mission, again and again, getting as many people as I could off the planet?
Or would you have turned your nose up at me as a cultist who doesn't follow the right Way, and never asked for my help? Would those born on Mandalore view me as less than because I'm not a blood Mandalorian, and choose to die with their planet rather than accept a single blaster shot from my covert?
[Somewhere along the way, this shifted to the proverbial you and not the specific Bo-Katan you.]
I would have come to the Fall, Bo. I would have run that mission. But I didn't even know it was happening until it was over, because no one thought to ask the covert for help. We would have answered that call, because we're Mandalorians. We would have been there.
[Taking in a deep breath, Bo-Katan tries to settle her emotions before replying. However there is still an edge to her voice.]
Really? Does your covert’s honor only extend to those who ask for it? Even your own people who are too busy fighting for their survival while a small group hides on a moon in plain sight?
[They knew. Din might not know himself at the time but the Armorer certainly did. She had admitted they were hiding on Concordia during the Purge.]
During the Siege it was a Jedi who took back our planet. The very one who I trusted and sent you to. Ahsoka Tano. So if you think I would have turned any of you away during the Night of a Thousand Tears, then you’re wrong. You could have shown us then the honor that I know now that you have.
If the others had rejected you even then, then I would have stood up for you just as I did to my fleet. Your bloodline means nothing to me. Only you do.
[Yeah, this is getting fraught. Mando would rather not get into the particular dynamics at play between his covert and the Mandalorians from the planet. Needless to say, the interactions have not always been pleasant. Bo might have welcomed their help; other Mandalorians might have shot to kill.]
[Funny thing was, none of that mattered to her anymore. It was largely resolved by the time she came here. Their people had come together. But Din was from a time before that, and it was obvious. Which was part of why his words were so upsetting. That gap in time between them made a big difference, along with the time he's spent here.
But here she was, trying to make that point, admitting that she cared about him. And then he changes the subject. Like it didn't matter. It was off putting and didn't help her emotional situation. To the point that words tumbled out of her mouth that probably shouldn't.]
I miss you.
At least, the version of you that I have come to know.
[This was why she was calling him. She just wanted to hear his voice, to talk, to just feel like this was the same man from home. But this wasn't how she had planned for it to go. He wasn't the same man. But this wasn't right, it wasn't fair to him. It wasn't his fault after all.]
I'm sorry. This was a mistake. Go back to sleep.
[Before she embarasses herself further, Bo-Katan decides to hang up.]
[Mando waits awhile, then writes back. He texts this time, so Bo will get the message whether she wants to pick up or not.]
We're not from the same time, Bo. You remember things I don't. I'm sorry that I can't be who you want me to be, but I haven't had the experiences yet to become that person.
From my point of view, I'm flying into what is almost certainly a suicide mission with Boba Fett.
Clearly I survive, and get Grogu back, and then help you. I'm looking forward to all that, but it's like a story from a book right now. I know about it, but I haven't lived it. Whatever bond we have in the future, it's in MY future.
I'm told that however long we spend here, it's like no time at all passes at home. So whatever is coming, is coming, and can't be changed.
[But that doesn't really answer her question, does it? Mando takes a few minutes to think before he continues.]
I have a life I've built here, and I'm going to live it and enjoy it for as long as I can. But I have a life back home too, and things to get back to. When it's time, I'll enjoy that too.
We can have both here, Bo. We can live a life without war or conflict, and then someday go home and presumably beat on the Pyke Syndicate for some patch of sand on Tattooine.
This place, and its peace... it takes time to get used to. We both grew up with war constantly at our backs. It makes it hard to get used to peace. I know I kept waiting for a war to break out for months when I first arrived.
And then one day... I wasn't. I woke up, and I made plans for the day, and none of them involved being ready for the war I was sure would break out at any minute. I just had my day, and there was no war. There was no war the next day either.
[Time and circumstances will do that of course. But occasionally it was a little jarring.]
I am used to war, that’s true, and throwing these pokemon into battle is the only thing that feels relatively normal.
It’s not that I don’t want peace, but this world is so contrary to everything it means to be Mandalorian. Though what I miss most is being among our people. Here it’s just me and you.
[Her whole identity was serving her people, and without that, she feels adrift.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[No, it's fine, he's up now.]
no subject
[Okay if he insists.]
Aside from Grogu. Do you miss it at all?
no subject
[Like, obviously!]
And I miss flying. But otherwise... no, not really.
no subject
What happened after everything on Gideon’s ship?
Riz said you told him the Jedi said you had to leave Grogu with him and that you couldn’t see him again. That’s not what I remember.
no subject
[He's quiet for a moment too before continuing.]
The Jedi took him, and we all left Gideon's ship and went our separate ways. Then I ended up with some extra beskar, and asked the Armourer to make a chainmail shirt for Grogu. He's too little for full armour, but he could wear a shirt.
[Mando's voice rises in frustration.]
He needs protection! And the Jedi weren't going to do it! They'd say getting hurt was a learning experience or something!
[Evil space sorcerers! Mando takes a breath to get himself under control.]
I brought him the shirt to the planet they were on. Ahsoka Tahno met me there, and told me that seeing him would just make things harder on Grogu. I left the shirt, for her to give to him, and then I went back to Tattooine. I'm meeting Boba Fett there to help with some problems he's having.
no subject
[A sigh and Bo-Katan goes quiet for a moment. Knowing she needed to choose her words carefully. She understands where he's coming from. She had been able to tell back then how difficult it had been for him to give up Grogu. But he apparently wasn't able to let go. She also saw the other side of it. While Bo-Katan wouldn't claim to fully understand Jedi, she certainly knew them better than he did.
As she speaks again, her tone is gentle.]
He was with a Jedi, Din. A Jedi who saved our lives. If it wasn't for him, neither of us would be here and Grogu would be with Gideon. You really think he couldn't protect him?
no subject
[Sorry, he should have clarified this better.]
I know Skywalker saved us. I know he's a powerful Jedi. But he was treating Grogu like a student, and a student only. He didn't treat him like...
[like a son]
... like a foundling. He was teaching him the way, but not The Way.
I don't know enough about Jedi to know if their way works for some people. But the Jedi fell, and the Mandalorians didn't, and I think part of that is because Mandalorians know we're stronger together.
no subject
You have no idea what you're talking about.
[Her tone suddenly turning tense. Harsh. Borderline emotional.]
We did fall. Over and over and over again. For decades I've watched our people fight and kill each other. It's because we weren't together that we were weak. Why the Empire wiped us out, just as they did the Jedi. We're not any better or stronger than they are.
I'm not any better.
And you and your covert were not there when we needed you most. When our people were dying.
So if you really think that you or any of us are superior to them, then you're a fool.
no subject
Would you have had me at the Siege, Bo-Katan? A foundling who had barely taken the Creed, with a secondhand helmet and armour scraped together from scraps, with the thinnest possible layer of beskar?
If not then, would you have had me at the Fall? I had better armour then, and a ship that could have gotten a dozen Mandalorians off the planet, and the flying skills to get between the Empire's blockade. Would you have had me flying that mission, again and again, getting as many people as I could off the planet?
Or would you have turned your nose up at me as a cultist who doesn't follow the right Way, and never asked for my help? Would those born on Mandalore view me as less than because I'm not a blood Mandalorian, and choose to die with their planet rather than accept a single blaster shot from my covert?
[Somewhere along the way, this shifted to the proverbial you and not the specific Bo-Katan you.]
I would have come to the Fall, Bo. I would have run that mission. But I didn't even know it was happening until it was over, because no one thought to ask the covert for help. We would have answered that call, because we're Mandalorians. We would have been there.
no subject
Really? Does your covert’s honor only extend to those who ask for it? Even your own people who are too busy fighting for their survival while a small group hides on a moon in plain sight?
[They knew. Din might not know himself at the time but the Armorer certainly did. She had admitted they were hiding on Concordia during the Purge.]
During the Siege it was a Jedi who took back our planet. The very one who I trusted and sent you to. Ahsoka Tano. So if you think I would have turned any of you away during the Night of a Thousand Tears, then you’re wrong. You could have shown us then the honor that I know now that you have.
If the others had rejected you even then, then I would have stood up for you just as I did to my fleet. Your bloodline means nothing to me. Only you do.
no subject
So what is it you miss from home?
[Yeah, this is getting fraught. Mando would rather not get into the particular dynamics at play between his covert and the Mandalorians from the planet. Needless to say, the interactions have not always been pleasant. Bo might have welcomed their help; other Mandalorians might have shot to kill.]
no subject
But here she was, trying to make that point, admitting that she cared about him. And then he changes the subject. Like it didn't matter. It was off putting and didn't help her emotional situation. To the point that words tumbled out of her mouth that probably shouldn't.]
I miss you.
At least, the version of you that I have come to know.
[This was why she was calling him. She just wanted to hear his voice, to talk, to just feel like this was the same man from home. But this wasn't how she had planned for it to go. He wasn't the same man. But this wasn't right, it wasn't fair to him. It wasn't his fault after all.]
I'm sorry. This was a mistake. Go back to sleep.
[Before she embarasses herself further, Bo-Katan decides to hang up.]
no subject
[Mando waits awhile, then writes back. He texts this time, so Bo will get the message whether she wants to pick up or not.]
We're not from the same time, Bo. You remember things I don't. I'm sorry that I can't be who you want me to be, but I haven't had the experiences yet to become that person.
From my point of view, I'm flying into what is almost certainly a suicide mission with Boba Fett.
Clearly I survive, and get Grogu back, and then help you. I'm looking forward to all that, but it's like a story from a book right now. I know about it, but I haven't lived it. Whatever bond we have in the future, it's in MY future.
I like the bond we have now, though.
no subject
I know all of that, and I don’t blame you for it.
[It was one of those things that was out of their control. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.]
Are you really looking forward to it? You seem happy here, you have a life, and I wouldn’t want that taken away from you.
[Even if that means she can’t be part of it in the way she wanted to be. It’s easy for him to like where they’re at, but not so much for her.]
no subject
[But that doesn't really answer her question, does it? Mando takes a few minutes to think before he continues.]
I have a life I've built here, and I'm going to live it and enjoy it for as long as I can. But I have a life back home too, and things to get back to. When it's time, I'll enjoy that too.
We can have both here, Bo. We can live a life without war or conflict, and then someday go home and presumably beat on the Pyke Syndicate for some patch of sand on Tattooine.
no subject
[She doesn't disbelieve the people who have experienced it, but there's always this nagging doubt.]
I don't think I can have the kind of life you have here. I'm just passing the time until I can go back. Which might be years from now.
[She's not satisfied with how things are for her here. It might be peaceful, but its not what she wants.]
no subject
This place, and its peace... it takes time to get used to. We both grew up with war constantly at our backs. It makes it hard to get used to peace. I know I kept waiting for a war to break out for months when I first arrived.
And then one day... I wasn't. I woke up, and I made plans for the day, and none of them involved being ready for the war I was sure would break out at any minute. I just had my day, and there was no war. There was no war the next day either.
no subject
[Time and circumstances will do that of course. But occasionally it was a little jarring.]
I am used to war, that’s true, and throwing these pokemon into battle is the only thing that feels relatively normal.
It’s not that I don’t want peace, but this world is so contrary to everything it means to be Mandalorian. Though what I miss most is being among our people. Here it’s just me and you.
[Her whole identity was serving her people, and without that, she feels adrift.]
no subject
It is, but there are different kinds of battles, aren't there? Maybe you're fighting a new one and just haven't figured out who your opponent is yet.
no subject
[She doesn’t know what to say other than that. This conversation having made her weary and discouraged.]