[Funny thing was, none of that mattered to her anymore. It was largely resolved by the time she came here. Their people had come together. But Din was from a time before that, and it was obvious. Which was part of why his words were so upsetting. That gap in time between them made a big difference, along with the time he's spent here.
But here she was, trying to make that point, admitting that she cared about him. And then he changes the subject. Like it didn't matter. It was off putting and didn't help her emotional situation. To the point that words tumbled out of her mouth that probably shouldn't.]
I miss you.
At least, the version of you that I have come to know.
[This was why she was calling him. She just wanted to hear his voice, to talk, to just feel like this was the same man from home. But this wasn't how she had planned for it to go. He wasn't the same man. But this wasn't right, it wasn't fair to him. It wasn't his fault after all.]
I'm sorry. This was a mistake. Go back to sleep.
[Before she embarasses herself further, Bo-Katan decides to hang up.]
[Mando waits awhile, then writes back. He texts this time, so Bo will get the message whether she wants to pick up or not.]
We're not from the same time, Bo. You remember things I don't. I'm sorry that I can't be who you want me to be, but I haven't had the experiences yet to become that person.
From my point of view, I'm flying into what is almost certainly a suicide mission with Boba Fett.
Clearly I survive, and get Grogu back, and then help you. I'm looking forward to all that, but it's like a story from a book right now. I know about it, but I haven't lived it. Whatever bond we have in the future, it's in MY future.
I'm told that however long we spend here, it's like no time at all passes at home. So whatever is coming, is coming, and can't be changed.
[But that doesn't really answer her question, does it? Mando takes a few minutes to think before he continues.]
I have a life I've built here, and I'm going to live it and enjoy it for as long as I can. But I have a life back home too, and things to get back to. When it's time, I'll enjoy that too.
We can have both here, Bo. We can live a life without war or conflict, and then someday go home and presumably beat on the Pyke Syndicate for some patch of sand on Tattooine.
This place, and its peace... it takes time to get used to. We both grew up with war constantly at our backs. It makes it hard to get used to peace. I know I kept waiting for a war to break out for months when I first arrived.
And then one day... I wasn't. I woke up, and I made plans for the day, and none of them involved being ready for the war I was sure would break out at any minute. I just had my day, and there was no war. There was no war the next day either.
[Time and circumstances will do that of course. But occasionally it was a little jarring.]
I am used to war, that’s true, and throwing these pokemon into battle is the only thing that feels relatively normal.
It’s not that I don’t want peace, but this world is so contrary to everything it means to be Mandalorian. Though what I miss most is being among our people. Here it’s just me and you.
[Her whole identity was serving her people, and without that, she feels adrift.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But here she was, trying to make that point, admitting that she cared about him. And then he changes the subject. Like it didn't matter. It was off putting and didn't help her emotional situation. To the point that words tumbled out of her mouth that probably shouldn't.]
I miss you.
At least, the version of you that I have come to know.
[This was why she was calling him. She just wanted to hear his voice, to talk, to just feel like this was the same man from home. But this wasn't how she had planned for it to go. He wasn't the same man. But this wasn't right, it wasn't fair to him. It wasn't his fault after all.]
I'm sorry. This was a mistake. Go back to sleep.
[Before she embarasses herself further, Bo-Katan decides to hang up.]
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[Mando waits awhile, then writes back. He texts this time, so Bo will get the message whether she wants to pick up or not.]
We're not from the same time, Bo. You remember things I don't. I'm sorry that I can't be who you want me to be, but I haven't had the experiences yet to become that person.
From my point of view, I'm flying into what is almost certainly a suicide mission with Boba Fett.
Clearly I survive, and get Grogu back, and then help you. I'm looking forward to all that, but it's like a story from a book right now. I know about it, but I haven't lived it. Whatever bond we have in the future, it's in MY future.
I like the bond we have now, though.
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I know all of that, and I don’t blame you for it.
[It was one of those things that was out of their control. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.]
Are you really looking forward to it? You seem happy here, you have a life, and I wouldn’t want that taken away from you.
[Even if that means she can’t be part of it in the way she wanted to be. It’s easy for him to like where they’re at, but not so much for her.]
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[But that doesn't really answer her question, does it? Mando takes a few minutes to think before he continues.]
I have a life I've built here, and I'm going to live it and enjoy it for as long as I can. But I have a life back home too, and things to get back to. When it's time, I'll enjoy that too.
We can have both here, Bo. We can live a life without war or conflict, and then someday go home and presumably beat on the Pyke Syndicate for some patch of sand on Tattooine.
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[She doesn't disbelieve the people who have experienced it, but there's always this nagging doubt.]
I don't think I can have the kind of life you have here. I'm just passing the time until I can go back. Which might be years from now.
[She's not satisfied with how things are for her here. It might be peaceful, but its not what she wants.]
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This place, and its peace... it takes time to get used to. We both grew up with war constantly at our backs. It makes it hard to get used to peace. I know I kept waiting for a war to break out for months when I first arrived.
And then one day... I wasn't. I woke up, and I made plans for the day, and none of them involved being ready for the war I was sure would break out at any minute. I just had my day, and there was no war. There was no war the next day either.
no subject
[Time and circumstances will do that of course. But occasionally it was a little jarring.]
I am used to war, that’s true, and throwing these pokemon into battle is the only thing that feels relatively normal.
It’s not that I don’t want peace, but this world is so contrary to everything it means to be Mandalorian. Though what I miss most is being among our people. Here it’s just me and you.
[Her whole identity was serving her people, and without that, she feels adrift.]
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It is, but there are different kinds of battles, aren't there? Maybe you're fighting a new one and just haven't figured out who your opponent is yet.
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[She doesn’t know what to say other than that. This conversation having made her weary and discouraged.]